Hari ini bener bener dingin!
Udah nyalain heater, udah pake baju 4 lapis termasuk Leather Jacket, maseh ajah kedinginan,…
gila, mao digimanain coba?
bah,… laghe laghe air di toilet beku,… mesti disiram pake aer panas dulu biar bisa dipake tuh toilet…untung maseh bisa ditahan…
I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude to the Universe,… Today, I marked the day in History. I Made It.
Thank you for all your supports, your prayers, your comforts, your friendship, your love…
As I marked today as the day I realized that all that I had dreamt of 5 years ago,….All those dreams …Is just a dream No more…
I wanted it all and I Got It all,…and more…
Be soon graduating from a school that I love, in a country that I love, With Friends and Families that I love, With a dream job that I love,…
Traveled and See All that I wanted to See, Learn how to see Itself, Learn How to Take Chances and not be regretful of it, Study the Things that No one else Can but me myself…Learn new cultures, Learn new Language, Learn new Skills,… And I am Standing here,…With All My Greatness and Love,…All becoz of You!,… Yes YOU!,….The One Reading this,…YOU!
I’m in the sky tonight
There i can keep by your side
Watching the whole world wind around and round
I’ll be coming home next year
I’ll be coming home next year
-Foo Fighters , Next Year
I’ll be coming home next month. And I am gonna bring friends with me this time. Really excited to see the 2 worlds come together.
I received a direct comment from someone that knew me about the last two posts,…
And here is my reply:
—————————
Okay, I’m sorry if it’s too dark lately,…But hey, guess what? It’s My Life,…And life isn’t always about playing and seeing the good stuffs only. Life Is beautiful not because you only see the good stuff and blind-screened the bad stuff. And I don’t travel to show,…I travel to learn to be a man. And I have learned a lot, while sometimes learning can be painful,…Hence: The best teacher is experience, and the best experience is pain…Not everyone can experience what everyone else can (Baptism under fire), So I would like to share everything I’ve learned to the ones dearest to me. So they can at least learn the essence without the pain. Get the honey without being stung by the bees. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy… I am happy because I am learning…
—————————————
I’ve been enjoying life lately,… And it’s funny to see old friends pop in everyday lives. I remembered a saying : People see you as the last image of you in their memories. Or sumtin like that,… And I really LOOOOVEEE seeing old friends, and listen to them chat about myself,…It shows me how I have grown since. And I am proud of myself. I have got new brothers and families here that love me and support me. So don’t worry about me no more,…
Everything’s alright up here
When I come down
I’ll be coming home next year
March 2007,???,Japan
It was dark inside the coffin,…tired,…I felt weak,…I felt alone,…
I was angry, sad, and confused,…
I lost hope,…those high-hopes that I had when I was a child, when I was in high-school, when I was in Japanese school,…Those hopes, those dreams, dreams that I’ll do great someday,…
In the coffin, I remembered the faces of those who have supported me until now,…
In the coffin, I remembered the faces of those who have betrayed me, and laughed at me when I fall,…
Again, time and space swiveled,…
And then,…They came,…out of those paradox of mental-defeat.
The first one was a 20 year old, the second was a 17 year old, and the last one was a kid,…they were an image of my brothers,… I thought they were…But no, They were not my brothers,…
They were all,…Me,…
The 17 year old me started the conversation by taunting, "Is that all? You are so weak, you know!",…the same line I gave to my Dad the week before he died. "I’m sorry, Dad,…" I didn’t realized…Oh, the pain of regret kept on haunting…
Then the 20 year old me came to me and said calmly,"Remember those who needed you, those who have trusted you,…they are all waiting"
"But, I failed,…I have lost,… It is imposible,…" I replied.
"BRRRIIINGGZZZZZZZZZZ,…!", the alarm clock went crazy. Time to go to another interview.
….
Went back to Nagano that week. Had a day off. ….And just as I’d expected. They came!,…to haunt…
These ghost images of myself,…they come and go, sometimes without saying a word, but drove a mental image of memories and future hopes that I had. I cried sometimes when seeing the gap between the future and the past. The gap was dark, deep, and It was "the present" at the time.
"What!?…What do you want from me!" "I tried my best!" "How can YOU be the MAN? You are not worthy!" "What about all this time? You have learned so much all the way here…Remember the lessons you’ve got from all those people you’ve met on the way. They had taugh you so much about life. Use those wisdoms" …."But I’m confused,…Who am I?" "I was doing great when I was back home, I was a different man, I had my pride" "But here, I’m powerless, I don’t have anything, not even my pride." …. TELL ME! WHO AM I? If you are me then why are we so different? Which one is the real me? Which one is the future? Which one is the past? Which one Is THE REAL ME!?
None of them answered,… Days go one after another,…and every night I tried to sleep less.
One day, I met a friend, and old friend. We used to hang out when I was in Matsumoto. I told him everything about the ghosts,…He said,"Those ghosts are all you, they are memories."
Then , I realized something,…something so great,…And after that day I learned to face them, day by day,…
When I was a kid, I learned love.
When I was a teen, I learned how to be a man.
When I lost my Dad, I met God.
When I was travelling around the world, I learned wisdom.
Now I’ve learned about Myself.
I used the anger of being pushed, the pride and dignity to move foward. I used the hopes and dreams to guide my path through the jungle of confusion. Like an abandoned warrior in a defeated war. I can only fight to live. There was a smile in every move I made.
Tired,yes… but I smiled.
I know that I am not alone in this battle,… the other MEs are with me, the spirits of those supports me gave me the power. I Spark differently now. I ‘ve found "me".
-Finally got so many job overings in the end. I think at some point I gave a different aura then before. I decided to end it with a dream job with one of the best companies in the world. I visited 40 companies. A lot more then I had planned.
Ceritanya mulai dari bulan Desember tahun lalu…
23 Desember-Jakarta, Indonesia
Sebagai latihan, saya coba latihan interview ama perusahaan Jepang di Indonesia (biarpun latihan, semuanya real). Kebetulan ada koneksi dari bokapnya temen se-University. Interview sepanjang dua jem, all in japanese. Yah,…lumayan buat langkah pertama latihan interview. Setidaknya bisa tau suasana.
8 Januari 2007 - Nagano,Jepang
belajar buat Final Test di akhir bulan,…
Febuari 2007 - Tokyo, Jepang
Mulai keliling Jepang untuk Work Expo, dll… Dari sini, bisa mendapat informasi tentang perusahaan-perusahaan. Saya sendiri memaksakan diri untuk masuk ke papan atas, di mana persaingannya berat. Dan saya sadar bahwa saya adalah pelajar asing,…persaingan akan jauh lebih berat. Saya harus berjuang 3 kali lipat orang biasa. Jadi, targetin diri keliling 21 perusahaan. Karena orang Jepang yang lulusan Engineering rata-rata keliling 3 sampai 7 perusahaan.
Febuari 2007 - Maret 2007 - Osaka,Nagoya,Kobe,Yokohama,Tokyo,Nagano,Jepang
Sehari bisa dua atau tiga kali mengunjungi perusahaan yang berbeda. Dan sering kali ada di kota yang berbeda, jadi must keep on moving all the time, Sleeping in buses, trains, and cheap motels or capsule hotels. One thing about these capsule hotels, its like a dark coffin (literally speaking). I barely get back to my apartment, since most of the companies that I visited was outside Nagano. I remember missing my Mom’s 50th birthday. I wanted to go home for that day….Sorry, Mom…
23 Maret 2007 - Tokyo,Jepang
Got interviewed 2 times in a row with 2 different companies. Get back to the dark capsule as soon as I can coz got an SPI test the next morning.
24 Maret 2007 - Tokyo, Jepang
=8.30 AM SPI test
=13.00 PM To Osaka
25 Maret 2007 - Osaka , Jepang
3 Company Visits
26 Maret 2007 - Osaka , Jepang
2 Company Visits, and ran for the night train to Tokyo, spent a night in the train. Felt like a double O-Agent, when taking of my suits in a moving train.
27 Maret 2008 - Tokyo , Jepang
Never forget that day,….
7.30 AM Entered an Internet Cafe to check emails and wait for the next meeting which was not for about 6 hours. I though I could get some sleep since I didn’t sleep very well in the train. I was wrong,….
I recieved 3 emails, All Rejection emails,…2 of them are from 3 days ago’s interviews. 2 of them are in my most wanted list.
At that time,….. I felt like,…
I felt like,…
I wanted to shout and cry,….
But I can’t,….I was in an open booth, and got enough attention already from the guys around since I was wearing suits and neck-tie at that hour.
It’s so shocking, that I tumbled down, physically and mentally.
21.00 AM back to the ol’ dark capsule hotel. I was beated. I was down. inside the coffin, I can smell the guy next to mine. He was drunk alrite. Some snored like a dog-pig mixtured beasts they are. Without light, it was so dark.
So dark,…So tired,…So weak,…
Times,…
Spaces,…
Memories of the past,…
swiveled,…
Oooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah~!
Akhirnya… setelah 2 taon kerja keras,…bisa mulai melihat seberkas mimpi jadi kenyataan. 2 taon kerja keras, ternyata tidak sia-sia…
Sorry kagak up-date for a long time, guys! Abis perang abis-abisan 4 bulan terakhir ini. Salah satu perang terbesar dalam hidup : CARI KERJA!
Benerannya gua udah mulai takut ama masalah ini mulai dari dua taon yang lalu. Waktu itu, my sister angkat yang cantik (orang Bulgaria, bok!) baru diterima kerja di perusahaan ternama. Dia bilang, cari kerja susah bagi orang asing di Jepang. Terutama akhir-akhir ini banyak masalah kriminil di Jepang yang diakibatin ama orang-orang asing. Gua kagak bisa salahin orang Jepangnya juga seh, kejahatan yang dilakukan para pendatang asing tuh bener bener merepotkan!(Believe me, I KNOW!, THEY STOLE MY CAR’S TIRE!)…
ANywAy, karena ituh, gua nyadar, kalo buat bisa bersaing ama orang Jepang supaya bisa masuk di perusahaan gede,….Gua mesti punya sesuatu yang kagak dipunyain ama dua belah pihak (Orang Jepang and Orang Asing yang tinggal di Jepang). So, I chose, making ROBOT!(joined a robot making group)
Nah! Mulai dari masuk klub bikin robot ini,:"Waktu" tuh jadi kacau. Liburan antar-semester jadi abis gara-gara mesti bikin robot buat lomba. Pulang pun cuma buat tidur. Tiap hari meeting jem 9 paghe. Udah lama banget kagak nikmatin apa yang namanya liburan (sekarang pun belom sempet).
Udah gituh, pada awalnya, kagak betah banget! Why? Because temen temen yang bikin robot tuh kebanyakan bukan anak yang bisa ngomong. (ada temen klub yang masuk ruangan dan tidak ngomong sepatah katapun selama 16 jem trus pulang. Bukan laghe marah, bukan laghe sedih, tapi emang sifatnya gituh,…orangnya seh baek SETELAH kenal, but it takes a while to know him,….)
Udah berapa kali gua berpikir buat berenti. Udah repot, abis waktu, capek, temennya aneh semua, MASEH dimarahin ama prof kalo telat bikin. Emangnya gua bikin buat Prof apah?! "LU SIAPE?!"
Tapi gua sabarinn,…
Akhirnya Robot yang kami buat bisa masuk ke NHK Robot Contest (terbesar di seluruh Jepang, tanya siapa ajah, pasti tauk…) dan bisa masuk ke babak penyisihan 2 taon berturut-turut. Taon lalu bahkan masuk TOP 6 dari berpuluh-puluh team yang join.
Ini besar sekali buat nulis CV biar bisa masuk ke perusahaan besar! Gua mulai nyari kerja dari bulan 12 taon lalu,… dan keliling Jepang selama dua bulan terakhir buat interview dll… Seminggu ajah bisa ke 10 perusahaan. Di sini lah mulainya Mimpi buruk chapter two…Gua ketemu ama musuh terbesar,…myself!
Wah, kalo diceritain laghe bisa panjang,….kapan-kapan nyambung yak!
No matter how hard you tried,…..
You fail
No matter how many things you studied and applied,….
You forget
No matter how clear you saw,….
You close your eyes
No matter how hard you believe,…..
You doubt
No matter how deep friendship maybe,….
They lie
These are the questions that have been around me these couple of days….weeks maybe,….Yes! Call me a whiner, Call me a loser maybe, you can call me anything!
But these are the times…..Oh, God knows,….
These are the times,…
React! Think Outside the Box! Get UP! Mend the pieces! Learn how to PICK yourself up! :
Oh,…you may say….
But I say NO!, let me enjoy these times of soul defeat!
Let me enjoy this turbulence of doubt, anger, and uncertainty!
These agonies of confusion….
For with these blessings of dark cloud above my heart, I may enjoy the tempest, by then I know that I am still a meek againts myself…
Oh how could I ever protect them,… the destiny that awaits me, ….For now, I am still a weakling that stumbled upon…
Yes!…. the feeling of being weak,….
the feeling of being wrong and unforgivable upon oneself….
It is one of the many best ways ….to become……
Stronger
Hello again!
Just like i promised before, I posted the pictures i took when i was travelling to Wakayama. And while at it, I also posted some pictures when i was travelling all around Japan last year. So check it out ,Guys! And tell me what you think!
I travelled around Japan last Year. It took me two months to walk around. And covered most of the North, West and East of Japan. And after that, I took another trip at the beginning of this year to cover the places that i havent gone. And finished Honshu with the last visit to Nachi Ootaki, the tallest waterfall in Japan in Wakayama last week.
Just like to share something that i got while travelling alone. When you are out there, maybe you’ll feel scared at first (Heck,… the first thing I had in mind 30 minutes after leaving my city was "WHERE WILL I SLEEP TONIGHT?"). You’ll feel scared, alone, hopeless and SMALL (Imagine sleeping on a pedestrian walk at a harbour looking at the dark sea,….you’ll get the picture,…literally).
But believe it or not, something magical is waiting just around the corner if you use your heart. Some street-band singer sang a song when I was strolling in Sendai. She sang :"If your heart is filled with love for all,….all signs will be seen with your very own eyes…." (It stroke me to the heart coz SHE was SO CUTE and LOVELY and COOL with a guitar in her hands,…..hm,…probably that’s why i listened to the lyric in the first place.)
Well anyway, She was right! I was lost and alone, far from everything that was close to my knowledge and to my heart. But at that time,….and that time only, I had the opportunity to learn how to SEE.
A Homeless teached me how to play a game in Hiroshima.
A group of teens took me by suprise at 11PM and ask me to join them for a game of pool in Downtown Osaka. (Scared me for a while coz i was alone,….but i thought "what the hell, lets Go!")
A Granma on a small coffee shop teaches me Buddhism and read my palms In Tottori. (as a fee after I fixed her Toaster,…but she didn’t know that I HAD to fixed the toaster if I wanna get some food,….was really hungry,…:PLEASE FEED THE BEAR!)
A family took me for a night for free In Kobe.
Another Granma buy me breakfast In a small restaurant somewhere between Izumo and Tottori.
Listen to a song through an old walkman with A Russian Stranger in Hakodate, Hokkaido. (Russian rap Songs,….No Offense but,….YUCK!)
SANG a Song with an American born Vietnamese on a boat trip to Niigata (Just the two of us on the deck with VERY loud voices,…..Crazy, Yes,….Fun,Yes,….Disturbing, Yes,….)
And the wonderful thing is, They were all CompleTe StRanGeRs! Behold the Magic!
I was alone but I didnt feel alone. I was surrounded and overwhelmed with love.
I was brave where I should’ve been scared. I felt the protection from the Higher Devine.
I am small among the stars but I Feel Almighty because they all rotates around me to cherish me with love.
I should’ve been Hopeless but I saw unlimited Horizon of Hope for tommorow with in a brink of a sunset.
I realized,….that I had seen with my heart…
I’M Back~
Just got Back from Wakayama Pref. It took me 25 hours to go there and back to my home here in Nagano.And The Stupid Part is I only spent 5 hours there. Spent most of the time driving all the way.
It all started when I was playing darts with my friends two days ago. We Just played and chatted. Suddenly one of them ask :"You like to travel around alot, so Is there any place /prefecture that you havent been yet in Japan?"
And that what started all. Yesterday I spent an evening playing Mahjong with my other friends but I wasnt really there. I kept on thinking about last pref that I hadnt visited yet. There were Voices in my Head,…."GO GO GO GOOOO!", "Let Buy Some Fried Chicken, ~","Should I PoN ?","Where’s My Wallet?"…..
So, I Decided TO GO! (after having myself a Fried Chicken treat, of course). So after the game, I just Went there, and visited the tallest waterfall in Japan (Will post photo soon, so Check it out!,….soon,…..really,…..trust me!). And so, here I am desperate with a need for slumber.
No more things to write, time to sleep. Check with you guys later!~
Hello, everyone!
Well, first of all, I’d like to thank you for giving a peek on this Internet-blackedhole-endOfTheWorld-Blog. Well, to begin with , I am not sure on how to use this thing. Heck, I dont even write a diary,…or letters,….or e-mails,…or even Messages on Handphones, Skype, MSN,YM, Friendster, or even on Post-Its.
So you might find that this probably be the only thing that would stuck on this so called blog for a few weeks (I hope).
And for those of you who mailed me , called me, messaged me, …..: I am Sorry!
